How to Manage Your Imposter Thoughts

My client "Vanessa" is an experienced manager. Last year, her role expanded suddenly and unexpectedly—she went from supervising a small team in her office to overseeing a whole region with team members stretched across locations. She wanted to rise to the challenge, but she was stretched, stressed, and struggling to keep everyone happy in the midst of major organizational change.

A year and a half into the struggle (and four weeks into our coaching), she was listening to a podcast on her morning commute where she heard a popular musician talking about something called "Imposter Syndrome."

She brought the idea to our coaching session. "What is Imposter Syndrome?" she asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I've got it."

Reframing Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is the feeling that you're unworthy of the opportunities you've been granted—that you've gotten lucky or tricked everyone around you into thinking you're competent or smart enough.​
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Despite any success or praise, you still feel like you're fooling everyone, and at some point they'll realize the mistake and find you out. You're forever doubting your abilities and waiting to be exposed as a fraud.
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I see it especially in people who are stepping into new levels of responsibility and leadership, like Vanessa.

The term was developed by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s, but it's caught on more and more since the 2000's, exploding in 2019.

When my clients learn about Imposter Syndrome, I see their shoulders come down. I see relief. That's because these self doubts are isolating—beliefs of incompetence thrive on the loneliness of believing you're the only one who feels this way. There is something so comforting about having a term for it and knowing that it is a common feeling.
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At the same time, I have concerns about the term itself: "Imposter Syndrome." It sounds like a disorder, an out of the ordinary affliction suffered by some.
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​We need to stop pathologizing these self doubts. Instead of Imposter Syndrome, let's call them imposter thoughts.

Everyone has imposter thoughts. They are a natural and expected part of being human. They're part of being a person who cares, who recognizes their work as important, and who wants to do right by others.

The question shifts from "Why do I suffer from this syndrome?" to "How do I respond to these imposter thoughts?"​
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The misguided, mean voice in your head

Everyone has a mean voice in their head—a voice that spouts out imposter thoughts like:
​- You're not ready—don't try.
- You'll embarrass yourself and be a complete failure.
- Who do you think you are?
- No one will care what you have to say.​
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At first glance, it may appear that this voice is a jerk trying to keep you down. But actually, it is just a misguided attempt to protect you.
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The voice showed up sometime when you were young. Maybe you stumbled on your words in front of your whole class and they laughed at you, or you proudly showed off your snazzy new glasses and got teased. This voice appeared to protect you, telling you to play it small—stay safe, don't stand out, don't take chances, don't put yourself out there—at every turn.​
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When we become adults, this voice shows up even when we've outgrown those old messages and are fully competent and capable of playing big.
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​Does this sound familiar?​
- You see a job posting that calls out to you, and then this voice shows up to say: "No way, you're not ready. You're totally not qualified for that. Don't even apply."​
- There's an opportunity to step into a leadership role, but your voice says: "Who's going to listen to what you have to say? You're going to look stupid if you try for this."​
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​Of all of the topics and challenges that come up with my clients, this is the most universal. You are not alone. We all have this mean voice, feeding us imposter thoughts, trying to hold us back.

Four steps to manage your imposter thoughts

The point is not to evict the mean voice or stop the imposter thoughts. The point is to learn how to manage them rather than letting them manage you.

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Here are four steps to manage your imposter thoughts and stop playing it small:
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​1. Write down your imposter thoughts. Carry a journal or create a note on your phone, and for one week take note of when the mean voice pops up. What are the specific messages it says to you? Are there certain situations that prompt it to show up? Each of us has messages of a different flavor, even though at their heart, they're all trying to tell us to play it safe. What themes come up for you?
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​2. Give your mean voice a name. Separating the mean voice from your own voice creates some distance from these messages, and helps you realize that they are not you and they are not The Truth—they are just a misguided companion trying to keep you safe. I've met all kinds of mean voices through the clients I've worked with, with names like Max, Becky, Lousy Louise, The Creeper, Emma-Victoria, and the Three Witches (self-doubt, self-recrimination, and self-castigation)...the list goes on. Choose a name so that when that voice pops up, you can say: "Oh, hi Max. Thanks for showing up..."​
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​3. Prepare your comebacks. Thank Max for showing up and for trying to protect you, then gently let him know that you're a grownup professional and you've got this. Remind him that you've applied for jobs before and that if you're not chosen you know it means that it wasn't a good match, not that you're a worthless person. Let him know that you appreciate his concern but you want to grow as a leader and you know that it's going to involve some failure...and you're both strong enough to experience that and welcome the opportunity to learn.
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​4. Create a new job description. Over the years, your mean voice has perfected their skills in spotting opportunities to play it small. One thing you can say for sure is that they're good at what they do! It may feel silly, but it can be incredibly powerful to have a conversation with your mean voice where you change its job description. That can sound something like, "Becky, I so appreciate all you've done over the years to keep me safe. But now that I'm growing as a leader, I want to be more tuned in to stretching myself rather than playing it small. When those moments come up, I'd love for you to send me encouraging messages about how worthwhile this journey is and how everything I've done up to this point has prepared me for it."

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Cultivating and shifting your awareness around your imposter thoughts can open up major opportunities to break through what's been holding you back and step into who you are meant to become.

For Vanessa, that starts with tuning into what her mean voice (Gretchen) has to say—and reminding herself that she is an experienced and resourceful leader trying her best to navigate a complex situation with integrity.

 Your turn

• When have imposter thoughts come up for you most recently?

• What name will you give your mean voice?

More resources on imposter thoughts

🎧 Your insecurities aren't what you think they are - WorkLife Podcast with Adam Grant

 🎥 What is Imposter Syndrome and How Can You Combat It? - TED-Ed Short Video

 📝 Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome - Harvard Business Review

 📝 The Dubious Rise of Imposter Syndrome: Why Everyone Feels Like They’re Faking It - New Yorker