Don’t Let an Old Story Drive the Bus
It’s time to let go of the old story
When my client, who we'll call Carl, was 24 years old, he worked in a consulting firm under three leaders with advanced degrees.
Carl was young, green, and not as well-educated as his leaders—but he was driven and wanted so badly to prove himself as a worthy and valuable member of the team.
So he transformed himself into a Swiss Army knife and became the go-to guy for every problem and question.
Carl is in his 40's now, and he’s grown into a skilled, strategic, transformational leader who’s the trusted right-hand man to a high-level policy official in the education sector.
The thing is—he’s still working like he’s 24 with everything to prove.
• He takes on every project that's thrown at him and makes himself essential to every part of his organization.
• He keeps a tight hold on the work, constantly checking email, never taking a day off, and choosing to do it all himself rather than asking for help from others.
• He’s motivated by a deep sense of fear and anxiety. He's got to be perfect. He's got to deliver.
These are all part of an old story, one that no longer applies to who he is a professional today. He's not 24 anymore.
When Carl came to me for coaching, he felt frustrated and exhausted in his current work but confused about how to move forward. He wondered: Maybe he should find a new job?
No matter how great his next job would be, if Carl didn't change his approach to his work, he'd end up recreating the same conditions: running himself into the ground instead of developing a sustainable approach to leadership.
He didn't realize that he was letting an old story from his early work dictate who he is today—until now.
You can change the story
We worked together to consciously define the stories that had driven his work to date. These stories may have been true when Carl was younger, but it was time to acknowledge and retire them. Then we wrote new rules to guide the next phase of his work—rules that reflect the Carl that he is today.
➡ Now, Carl is working not to prove himself, but to imake an impact.
➡ Now, he makes strategic choices about where to invest his time and energy.
➡ Now, he's proactive, operating from a sense of purpose rather than a place of fear.
And it's a good thing—because we all need him to be at his best. Carl has so much to contribute to the urgent challenges our educators and students are facing right now.
The first step to changing your story
Lately, I've been thinking about an old story that I've carried around since I was small. It feels really vulnerable to share, but here goes.
My story is: If I'm smart, I'm safe.
I was told this story by the adults around me as a child, and somewhere along the way it took root inside me and felt like The Truth. It's only very recently that I've come to realize that it is not The Truth.
It's alarming to grapple with how a small story like this has influenced so many of my decisions and beliefs in my life and my work—and to decide what this means for how I want to show up moving forward.
For me, the first step is naming the story, typing it out here. I'll sit with this for a while. Probably talk about it with some friends. And I'll gradually write a new rule for myself.
Your turn
What story are you carrying with you? And how is it affecting your work and life today?
My Five Essential Skills for Leadership workbook explains how, no matter where you sit in the organization, cultivating these five core skills will make you a better leader—and a better person, too.
